For many parents, the end of nappies is an important issue. At the risk of wanting to rush their child to speed things up and making certain mistakes. Tips for gentle potty training!
Like many parents, you were hoping to take advantage of your time off to work on potty training. But there's a catch: "When it comes to potty training, it's not up to the parents to decide, it's up to the child," says psychologist Emmanuelle Rigon. He has to be ready in his head and in his body. "Patience... One day, cleanliness comes as a matter of course. "Around 3 years old, no matter how their parents have done it, all children are clean", reassures the psychologist. However, it's better to avoid making a lot of mistakes. Our twelve tips to simplify things.
Waiting to offer the potty
When your toddler is ready, he will let you know. And there's no age limit. Some children are ready as early as 20 months, others are ready only at 2 1/2 or 3 years of age. But there are a few signs that the time is near. Your child is able to go up and down stairs. He or she gets up by himself or herself when he or she falls. He holds himself down during nap time. Your child shows interest in potty training. You can offer to sit in the potty. If he turns away, there is no need to insist.
Do not make too many demands
Is your little one starting to give up his morning bottle? Is it slowly coming off its teat? Don't ask him to let go of his nappy! It's difficult for him to invest his energy in several areas at once.
Keep the jar out of sight
Where to install the pot? Vast question! Two schools clash. There are the supporters of the bathroom and those of the living room. It all depends on how you perceive your child. If you think your child is modest, if he or she doesn't like to undress in public, it's better to put the potty in the bathroom, in a prominent place. If he doesn't like to be separated from you, if he carries all his toys where you are, put it in the living room instead. But not in the middle of the room! Choose a corner where your toddler will still feel out of sight. Once the reflex is well established, you can take the potty into the bathroom or toilet.
Install the potty at his request
In the acquisition of cleanliness, it is above all the feeling that counts! If you put your toddler on the potty when you decide to, he won't do it because he wants to but because you tell him to. There's nothing like that to cut him off from his own feelings. This can later be the cause of an encopresis problem: a child who doesn't feel anything can't hold his stool. He defiles his pants and is unhappy about it.
Do not scold him if he refuses to sit on the potty.
He doesn't feel like doing on the pot? Big deal! When it comes to cleanliness, a reprimand is useless. It only reinforces the feeling of guilt. On the other hand, if your child systematically refuses, opposes, for example, by standing next to the potty, playing with his poop, painting the walls... then he should be scolded.
Do not leave him there for more than ten minutes.
A child who sits on the potty when he needs it does what he has to do very quickly. If after ten minutes, your toddler is still on the potty, he's mistaken: he thought he wanted to but wasn't really. It's up to you to step in and ask, "Are you sure you really want to? "If not, put the pot away. If he hesitates, leave it for a few more minutes. But don't spend hours on the pot - it's not a game.
Don't look disgusted
That's for sure: if you rush to the pot and shout "Ugh, it smells bad. Quick, let's get rid of this filth! "your child might feel a little lost. What, he makes an effort to satisfy you and you play disgusted? But don't be raving about the "little gift" he has given you! Just tell him: "It smells strong", and offer to take him to the toilet to throw it away. It is normal to feel a certain repulsion towards excrement. Your child himself or herself may feel a little disgusted with what he or she leaves in the potty.
Don't play on the emotional side
It's mixing two things that have nothing to do with each other: the pleasure of satisfying the desire of parents and the satisfaction of a bodily need. If a child can't do on his potty or can't restrain himself, it's simply because he can't. Even out of love for his mother! Putting cleanliness on the emotional level can cause a lot of damage. Subjected to a request that he can't answer, the child risks losing his self-esteem and developing a scuttling behaviour ("I'm no good because I can't even please my mummy, I'll never get anywhere"). Instead of saying to your toddler, "Pee to please me," tell her, "I'm happy because you're all grown up and now you can feel your needs. It will be much more positive!
Don't make him "do it on the potty" before leaving for school, take the train...
You don't pee like you turn on a tap. If your toddler doesn't need it, he doesn't need it. He can't do it on command. He will do it when the time comes, in the toilets of the school, the supermarket or the train. By insisting that he does "before", you are implying three things. One: that he can't recognise for himself whether he wants to or not. Two: that he won't be able to restrain himself if he gets an urge outside the house. Three: that he won't find the means to satisfy this urge. Three points that will not help him to gain self-confidence. Moreover, this is how we "make" adults who are afraid to leave their homes and who use every public toilet they come across, "as a precaution".
Encourage him to go to the pot, but without excess.
Just because you multiply the incentives to go to the potty and congratulate him for getting your child potty trained, doesn't mean your child will get clean faster! On the contrary, the more concerned your child is about the issue, the more likely he or she is to use it as a pressure tactic. By refusing to go to the potty, he is destabilizing you and he feels it. He takes power. On the other hand, if you insist too heavily, "going in the pot" risks becoming the big deal of his life, to the detriment of other acquisitions. Admit it would be a shame!
Don't force him to watch his stool disappear into the toilet.
At the age when they are asked to go to the potty, some children feel like a little piece of them is going away. So explain what this is all about: "Urine and feces are rubbish. Your body has thrown them away, it doesn't use them. "Once they understand this, most children love to go to the toilet and flush their potty. But if yours looks scared, don't force it: it doesn't have to look!
Dedramatizing "relapses".
He, who was almost clean, is back to doing it in his pants? Two hypotheses: either you started too early and cleanliness is not well acquired, he needs a little respite and it's not serious; or something has happened in his life that causes a regression. It could be the start of school or the arrival of a little brother. He thinks that if he becomes small again, it will be better because things will be the same again. Above all, don't overreact. Instead, try to understand what is happening and comfort him.
